וְשָׁ֣ם רָאִ֗ינוּ אֶת־הַנְּפִילִ֛ים בְּנֵ֥י עֲנָ֖ק מִן־הַנְּפִלִ֑ים וַנְּהִ֤י בְעֵינֵ֙ינוּ֙ כַּֽחֲגָבִ֔ים וְכֵ֥ן הָיִ֖ינוּ בְּעֵינֵיהֶֽם׃
We saw the Nephilim there—the Anakites are part of the Nephilim—and we looked like grasshoppers to ourselves, and so we must have looked to them.” Bamidbar 13:33
 
After my injury, my self-esteem fell through the floor. Loss of much of my physical function left me with feelings of ineffectuality. I asked, how can I be worth anything to anyone, including myself, with my body in the condition it is in? What purpose could my physical rehabilitation be worth? I felt there was no reason to have long-term goals, for there would be nothing I could accomplish. As I struggled with my self-image, my Rebbe, Rabbi Noach Orlowek, said to me, “Yehoshua, there is more to life than walking…. You can sit and learn.” Through conversations with Rabbi Orlowek, I slowly began to consider my self-worth from a different perspective: that it is intrinsic and untouchable. My essence was rooted in my soul – I am of value beyond my physical abilities. I am connected to my Creator, Whose love for me and faith in my ability to succeed at the challenges He gives me, are beyond human intellect to fully grasp. I further connected to this message through the many interactions I had with my community, my family, my friends and teachers of Torah. Their efforts to connect with me sent a message: you mean more to us than the physical body you inhabit. There is far more to you than your physical appearance and limitations.

When the idea of a shidduch was first proposed, I was still in the early stages of this personal discovery. I concluded that there must be something significantly wrong with this woman if she was interested in spending the rest of her life with a fellow inhabiting such a wrecked body. I saw myself as broken: how could another see me as whole? If I couldn’t see myself as lovable, how could someone else see that in me?  I am grateful every day that I didn’t succumb to my fears and that I followed the lead of what others saw in me. As I got to know the woman who came to be my wife, I learned that she was a person who saw the bigger picture. She shared once that her decision to marry me was helped by her awareness that spending the rest of her life with a man in a wheelchair was only short-term, not eternity. With this perspective, it wasn’t too difficult to look past my injury and physical limitations. The decision to marry my wife and be in a committed relationship with someone possessing an almost diametrically opposite perspective from my own has given me the daily challenge of looking at myself positively in all realms of life. I have to pay close attention not to project my faults onto others or assume they are thinking ill of me because I have a negative frame of mind. Now, thirteen years later, I continue to be tested with situations in which I find myself once again questioning my self-worth. The difference now is in the foundation of the personal work I have done, upon which I now stand.

Rabbi Orlowek’s book on child raising, Raising Roses Among Thorns has been very helpful in my work in this area. On page 219, he defines self-esteem as, “A person’s recognition of his or her innate, immutable goodness, based upon the fact that his or her soul was created by G-d and is forever tied to the Source of all goodness and purity. [As we say every day in our morning prayers:] “The soul that You have placed in me is pure.” This purity is based neither on my evaluation of myself, nor on other people’s evaluation of me. We are intrinsically good, we are children of Hashem, and His love for us is eternal. I know I am good because God told us so in His Torah. Although there is certainly retribution for sinfulness, this in no way contradicts the fact that I am intrinsically good, and that the path back to Hashem, back to my natural self, is therefore always open.”
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Harnessing our faith to the bottomless love our Creator has for us can help lead us on the path to back to our natural selves. Mindfully living with this awareness can bring meaning into the three dimensions in which human beings function:  relationships between man and God, man and his fellow man, and man and himself. All three are alluded to in the verse, “and you shall love your fellow man as yourself, for I am Hashem.” “Love for others is predicated upon love for yourself” (Ibid., page 220). May Hashem help us see the good inherent within ourselves, allow the love, care and respect of others to enter our hearts and use authentic and self-love to connect with all those with whom we interact.   

When Reb Zusha of Hanipol was on his deathbed, his students found him in uncontrollable tears. They tried to comfort him by telling him that he was almost as wise as Moses and as kind as Abraham, so he was sure to be judged positively in Heaven. He replied, "When I get to Heaven, I will not be asked Why weren't you like Moses, or Why weren't you like Abraham. They will ask, Why weren't you like Zusha?"

The majority of us have been isolating at home the past many weeks. Recently, stores have started to reopen, and people have started to go out more. I personally have been instructed by my doctor to continue exercising great caution around others. Over the last 13 years since my injury I have compared myself to others many times. This practice has always left me with the pain of what I don’t have, and jealousy of what others possess. As Benjamin Franklin is quoted saying, “comparison is the thief of joy.” The list feels endless: knowing that others daven with a minyan and I don’t;  seeing that other’s hands function in ways that mine don’t to pick things up, open bottles, cut their food and pick up a child; watching others run and wishing I could do the same; thinking about how long it takes me to get up and going in the morning and how nice it would be to be able to hop out of bed; knowing that people pass judgment when they see my physical presentation and dreaming of being seen as someone who is capable of performing; limited in what I can access and wishing I could walk, skip and jump to go where and do what I want; and being aware of how much my thoughts are consumed by the fragility of my health and how nice it would be to be like so many who don’t have the same concerns.

To address this, I seek comfort in my faith and trust in Hashem. He has given me everything I am supposed to have and everything I need to fulfill my purpose. Granted, sometimes this work is easier than others. There are times that I may look at others and say, “Gosh, I’m glad that one of my most significant challenges is dealing with a spinal cord injury and its baggage rather than contend with that person’s struggle!” However, this approach is far from ideal since it doesn’t include acknowledging that everything comes from Hashem. It also functions as a barrier to feeling empathy for others.

It is human nature is to compare ourselves to others and, in Judaism, there is a place for it as it says, “the jealousy of scribes increases wisdom.” We are allowed and encouraged to use comparison to others for the sole purpose of spiritual growth. Ultimately though, inappropriate comparison can lead to heartache and despondency.

There is a Mishnah in Pirkei Avos that gives us a key to the path to follow to be successful in focusing on ourselves in our relationship with the Almighty which, in truth, affects all areas of life. The Mishnah (4:1) states as follows:
בֶּן זוֹמָא אוֹמֵר, אֵיזֶהוּ חָכָם, הַלּוֹמֵד מִכָּל אָדָם... אֵיזֶהוּ גִבּוֹר, הַכּוֹבֵשׁ אֶת יִצְרוֹ... אֵיזֶהוּ עָשִׁיר, הַשָּׂמֵחַ בְּחֶלְקוֹ... אֵיזֶהוּ מְכֻבָּד, הַמְכַבֵּד אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹתּ...:

Ben Zoma said: Who is wise? He who learns from every man. Who is mighty? He who subdues his [evil] inclination. Who is rich? He who rejoices in his lot. Who is he that is honored? He who honors his fellow human beings.

The Maharal points out that the Tanna does not answer the questions through a lens of comparison, e.g. the wise one is wiser than others, the strong one is stronger than others etc. To borrow language from Mori VeRabi, Rabbi Noach Orlowek, Ben Zoma is teaching us that we live in an “absolute” rather than “relative” world. Hashem views us as who we are compared to our best selves, not contrasted with others. To live in this world and the next successfully, we need to view ourselves as Hashem does. There is a tefillah in elokai netzor (nusach sefard) which it states, “Let others not be jealous of me and may I not be jealous of others.” The kavana I have when I say this is, “Please Hashem, let others not compare themselves to me and may I not compare myself to others in unhealthy ways.” The Master of the World has great confidence in us, as we say every morning when we open our eyes rabba emunasecha, greater is Your faith in me to do Your will today. As we wake up to each day, may we ask The Almighty for His help to know what His will is for us, His assistance to bring it to fruition and our resolve to focus on bringing our best selves to completion. 

As Chanukah of 5774 becomes a memory, we need to ask ourselves what we are taking with us in our upward spiral of life. We all know that Matisyahu and his sons rebelled against the Greeks and it was only through Hashem’s help that he was victorious. Hashem saw his self-sacrifice and once Chashmonaim took the first step to defend their way of life in the service of Hashem, The Almighty helped them take the second. One message that we can take from this is to know that Hashem is paying attention to us whether we acknowledge it or not. He has always loved us and he always will. He believes in us and He wants us to succeed. The Master of the World has not lost our file!

Hashem sent me and my family this message twice around the time of Chanukah. When I came home from Craig hospital more than six years ago it was two days before Chanukah and last year Ahuva Nava came home on the first day. Both of these occurrences are so far apart yet share that same message; “I love you and I haven’t forgotten about you. There is never a moment that I’m not paying attention to you, I want you to succeed!”

This is a message that all of us can take from the light of Chanukah into the darkness of winter and the rest of the year. There is rhyme and reason to everything in Hashem’s world. In the monotony of our everyday lives we need to constantly remind ourselves that we have a special connection with Hashem that no one has ever had or will have and we have to treasure this.

As Ahuva Nava’s birthday season begins (it started on the Jewish calendar the 22nd of Cheshvan which was this past Shabbos, Parshas Chayei Sarah and goes until November 6, her birthday on Greg’s calendar) I have taken a few moments to think about this past year. We, as a family, had what you might call a rough start. Elisheva gave birth to twin girls five weeks early. Rivka Chaya had a rare condition called Chylothorax that filled her chest cavity with lymph fluid. During this time that Ahuva Nava trying to get strong enough to eat on her own and Rivka Chaya was struggling for her life we moved into St. Joseph’s Hospital in downtown Denver where we ended up living for the next three weeks. After close to two weeks Rivka Chaya was transferred to Children’s Hospital where she only remained for two days after which we were devastated by her loss.

When we returned to St. Joseph’s Hospital from the beis hakevaros (the cemetery) we realized that just as Hashem had taken a special gift from us that we had barely gotten to know Hashem had also given us another gift as well whom we had to give our attention to now.

 This past year has had its ups and downs but without a doubt, my wife and I can say that it has been a glorious one for our little family. Elisheva said that she never thought that a child could bring so much simcha. Every smile that Ahuva Nava gives us is another spoonful of Chesed from the Almighty. Every year when I commemorate the day of my accident I read my Dayeinu list which includes all of my milestones and accomplishments. The name of this list comes from my Rebbe, Rabbi Noach Orlowek, as part of his explanation of the Hagadah. When we say Dayeinu, in no way are we saying that it would have been enough if Hashem had taken us out of Egypt but not lead us through to see, rather we are saying it is enough to thank you, Hashem, just for this. Many times a day through this past year I have had this emotion of gratitude to G-d. I have even heard myself say “Master of the World thank you so much this is so wonderful, but don’t stop here please keep it coming!”

So far it is looking like this year’s Dayeinu list can’t have an entry without Ahuva Nava’s name in it. I’ll just mention a few of the accomplishments that I would include. Being able to hold Ahuva Nava not too long after she was born, figuring out how to feed her, getting her in and out of her crib, feeding her baby food, getting her out of her high chair (in the still a challenge :-), and putting her on the floor from sitting in my lap. It is enough to thank Hashem for every time she smiles. When I think of her and filled with gratitude for Hashem.

We will soon be entering the month of Kislev which holds the beginning of Chanukah. We read in the paragraph of Al Hanisim that these eight days were made it to be days of praise and thanks to Hashem. May we always remember that all the good in our lives ultimately comes from The One Source, the Master of the World, and that we need to thank Him for it.

Going Through Doors

Rabbi Yehoshua Hoffman

March 2013

Not too long ago I started riding the city bus.  This adventure began when my wife and I had a little girl in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit), first at Children’s Hospital.  It was the most liberating experience to not be dependent on someone else for a ride to visit my wife and daughter.  Prior to riding the city bus, if I ever wanted to go somewhere that I had to drive to, I either had to ask someone, and they had to put it into their schedule, and I felt like I was their burden.  Or I had Access-a-Ride come and pick me up.  The Access-a-Ride reservation has to be made at least 24 hours in advance and more often than not the bus didn’t come on time.  Very often they would be at least a half an hour late.  So it was great to be able to look at a bus schedule and say, “I could go anywhere and leave close to when I want to go, and if I miss a bus, I will wait ten or fifteen minutes and there will be another bus”.  I am not anyone else’s burden in doing this. 

This is an adventure.  I can go anywhere without a chaperone!  This is such a liberating experience.  Who would have thought that riding a city bus, with all the various characters that ride the city buses, would be a fantastic adventure. 

This is something that can be looked at as a mashal, a parable.  In so many parts of our lives we don’t even realize that there are doors are right in front of us.  When we are able to recognize that we have a door in front of us we should be bold and try walking through.  We may be scared to walk through because we don’t know what’s on the other side of the door.  I’ve been afraid of taking advantage of opportunities before and I still am.  Look at your next challenge as being offered an opportunity and try to make the best of it.

May the Master of the World open up our eyes to recognize those doors that we are to leave closed…those choices which we should say no to, yet may He give us the ability to discern those opportunities that we are to take advantage of, those doors that we are to walk through.  And may He give us the strength to walk through them.

Recently I heard a beautiful explanation of the Bracha of Shehechiyanu from Reb Yoel Unger. The Bracha of Shehechiyanu has so many words and could have been made shorter.  We say “Blessed are You, King of the World”, then we say “You gave us life (Shehechiyanu), You sustained us (Vikiyamanu), and You brought us to this moment in time (Vahigiyanu lazman ha’ze).”  The Bracha could have been shortened to say, “Blessed are You, Hashem our G-d, King of the World, who brought us to this time.”  Why all these words? 

Also, it’s an interesting Bracha. It rhymes: Shehechiyanu, Vikiyamanu, Vahigiyanu Lazman Haze.  How are we to make sense of all of this?

Tosofos in Tractate Succah says that the Bracha is made from time to time, it’s a Bracha on the times.  We making this Bracha for events that recur in the world.  Shchechiyanu for the new holidays and new fruits that come every year, for appreciating the way the world works in cycles. For the birth of a child there is a Schehechiyanu as well.  The Almighty sends us many good things, and this is the reason for all the words that we have in this Bracha.

Shehechiyanu ~ Hashem gives us life.

Vikiyamanu ~ and He sustained us all along the way from the time He gave us life until now.                                                                                                                Vahigiyanu ~ and He brought us to this time.

This past Motzie Shabbos I made this Bracha over the Chanukah lights.  And I cried.  How wonderful it is to look back at all the places that I have been and I see that Hashem is still taking care of me.  He gave me life, and he has sustained me until this point, and he has brought us to this time.

 It was on Motzei Shabbos the we got confirmation that Ahuvah Nava was going to be coming home on the first day of Chanukah.  The first day of Chanukah is the 25th of Kislev. The Mishnah Berurah explains that it is called Chanukah because Chanu (they rested) on Ka, the 25th.  The Chashmonaiem came into the Beis Hamikdash and they had to disassemble the Mizbeiach that had been used prior and build a new one because the former altar had been used for idol worship. 

They reinaugurated the Beis Hamikdash, but this was not the same Beis Hamikdash that they had been thrown out of by the Yevanim.  The Yevanim decreed that doing the service in the Beis Hamikdash was punishable by death. And the Bach tells us that the reason the service in the Beis Hamikdash was taken away from them is that they became lax in its service. As Reb Ellie Shus once explained to me, the experience of the Chashmonaim was what can be referred to as the cornered tiger syndrome.  When the tiger is cornered, he will fight his hardest.  And when the Jewish people were threatened with the loss of the service of the Bais Hamikdash, they fought there hardest.  So the House they came in to was not the House they left.  The House they came into had been fought for, and was therefore at a much higher level. 

My wife and I left our home on the 21st of the month of Chesvan, November 6, Election Day to stay at the hospital. Coming home on the first day of Chanukah, the 25th of Kislev, we know that it was not the same home that we had left.  We left the home of a husband and wife and we are inaugurating our home as a family. This is the song of Mizmor Shir Chanukas Habais, Psalm 30, the dedication, the song,  that was written to be said at the dedication of the first Bais Hamikdash, a song that is appropriate for all new beginnings.

Yesterday we arrived at our new base camp. It is from here that we will plan our future growth and our future adventures. The Master of the World is ever bringing us higher to new base camps, new opportunities.  When it is appropriate for us to rest and camp, may we appreciate those times in our lives, and may we also appreciate those times in our lives when it is appropriate to climb.

It was about 1 pm and Elisheva had gone downstairs to pull up the car.  It was the 25th day of Kislev, the first day of Chanukah, and it was very cold.  I was just finishing putting my jacket on and taking a last look around the room that my daughter Ahuvah Nava, was about to leave, Room 4160.  I took a peek next door to Room 4158 where Elisheva and I had slept for two weeks.  I was told by Betsy, the charge nurse, that it was the first time a hospital bed had ever been brought to the NICU.  All other parents sleep on pullout couches, but this was not an option for me.  It made me feel loved by the Ribono Shel Olam, and it made me appreciate once again the kindness that had been shown to my wife and me. 

My mother-in-law Aliza Bulow put Ahuvah’s oxygen on the back of my wheelchair and placed Ahuvah in her carseat on my lap, and we slowly began to make our exit.  The day we have been hoping for, davening for, and yearning for… had come. 

When we left the elevator on the first floor, we noticed that there was some kind of performance going on for the children.  My mother-in-law asked me, “Are you interested in staying?”  I said, “Not even for a minute!”  I looked around and took in the sights and sounds of the moment. I slowed my chair down and moved slowly toward the door to the outside.  My mother-in-law said, “You weren’t able to carry your bride across the threshold, but you can carry your daughter across the threshold.”

 I felt like Hashem’s kindness was just being piled onto me in bucket loads.  I had such a big smile on my face as I passed through one set of automatic doors, and then before the second set I  stopped.  I took a deep breath. The doors had opened and  I felt the cold air.  I looked up and saw the sun.  It felt like Hashem was smiling at me, almost as great as it felt on my wedding day…something very similar.  And with that, I pushed the controller forward, and Yehoshua with his daughter Ahuvah Nava took their leave of Children’s Hospital, only to see what the next adventure would bring.

In this week’s Parsha, Yaakov Avinu, says,” it is with my staff that I crossed this Jordan River.” And Rashi points out that the first time Yaakov Avinu crossed the Yardein, all he had was his staff. The Sfas Emes says that Yaakov Avinu was saying that the first time I crossed the Jordan River all I had was my staff. Now I am coming back across the Yardein with wives, concubines, family, children, wealth, and animals….unbelievable. We see from here that a person should take a moment at every stage of life that he reaches to recount all the steps along the way that it took to get there. Yaakov Avinu knew that he was about the meet Esav, yet he still took time to appreciate what he had. Yaakov Avinu saw… I am about to meet Esav and things are going to be scary, and I don’t know if I will live, or if my family will suffer, or if I will kill chas v’shalom. But he took a moment to appreciate that the first time he crossed the Yardein all he had was his staff, and now he is crossing once again and he has wives, children, animals, and wealth.

So too in our lives we are responsible at every time we reach a new stage to turn around and recount the steps it took to that point. It takes an entire lifetime to get to where we are standing today. It is amazing to think that five and a half years ago I thought my life took a turn for the worse. I broke my neck, I left the hospital two days before Chanukah, and the following Pesach I got engaged. We took many more steps along the way, many adventures. After many more steps the long awaited day came and my wife gives birth to two beautiful girls. Sadly Rivkah Chaya was only to stay with us for two weeks, but her sister Ahuvah Nava is doing wonderfully, and we are constantly davening that she continue in her progress. Just to turn around right now when we don’t know what is going to be. We have just suffered a traumatic loss but we still need to look back. I never would have imagined this on that day August 6, 2007. I never would have imagined this, what Ribono Shel Olam has brought me to. May we all merit to recognize the Master of the World in our lives little bit more and may we merit to appreciate what we have just a little bit more.

Today I was thinking about this week's Torah portion, parshas Vayishlach. In it we read how Yaakov Avinu comes to meet Eisav, and in preparing to do so, he sends a gift to Eisav, he prepares for war by splitting his camp, and he asks Hashem for help. In Yaakov Avinu's conversations with Hashem, in seeking help from the Almighty, the Ribono Shel Oilam -the Master of the World-, who he has a personal relationship with, one of the things he says is, "Katonti mikol hachasadim- I am humbled from all of your kindness." That is something I was thinking about today, that, yes, there is suffering, sadness, not only my sadness, there is the sadness of my wife, and of the family, my family, my wife's family, our extended family, but also of the community, the community of all the Jewish people in Denver, who Rivka Chaya touched in her life, but also the greater community of the Jewish people, klal Yisroel. 

There are so many people whose lives she touched. 

So there is the sadness that people feel, but something that I was thinking about today, in what I feel, is Hashem's chesed. Hashem is so kind to us. 

In reflecting back, the day finally came, the day my wife and I waited so long for, that she came to give birth, and when she gave birth to twins, it was a tremendous simcha, a tremendous joy. I was told by a friend of mine, that the whole Yeshivas Mir was jumping up and down, and I was told the same thing from another friend about Torah Ohr. It brought simcha to so many people! And, then, we were tested, tried, and challenged with Rivka Chaya's sickness of chylothorax, and sadly with her petirah, her passing. But the amount of people that she touched, caused to touch us.

I heard from someone whose child was constantly in and out of the hospital that the explanation he was given by a great posek to be passed on to his own children about why his son is constantly in and out of the hospital was that his son's purpose was to be a catalyst for chesed, kindness.

That's something that I saw in my life that my parents tell me about, that, after I broke my neck, I was in the hospital and people just wanted to give, people just wanted to do and help in any way possible. This was Rivka Chaya. She was also a catalyst for chesed.  She made people want to give.

When I was in the hospital, my father send out a recommendation that people should take on mitzvos to be a zechus, merit, for my recovery. I heart such stories about Rivka Chaya, that people improved the quality of the mitzvos they were already doing, and certain people took on new mitzvos. She was a catalyst for chesed.

  "Katonti mikol hachasadim..."

I am humbled from seeing Hashem's kindness. Hashem brought so much kindness into the world through Rivka Chaya. But it wasn't just about Rivka Chaya.

What's interesting to note is that as soon as it was apparent we were to be staying in the hospital, people arranged meals. Baruch Hashem the meals came, and came, and they are still coming. We feel so taken care of. The emotion I cannot let go of is ashreinu mah tov chelkeinu, how fortunate are we, that this is our lot, how fortunate are we that we are members of the Jewish people, taking care of each other of in the most magnificent of ways.

I was waiting in line for a bus recently, and an Oriental man came up to me and said: "You! You're lucky!" 

"Oh," I said, "and why's what?"

"Because you're from the Chosen People."

"You're right," I replied, "I am lucky."

Just feeling the Ribbono Shel Oilam's chessed along the way!  We were given a room when we stayed at St. Joseph's hospital for close to three weeks. Something which is quite rare is that we were also given a room for the time being at Children's Hospital. I feel the presence of the Ribbono Shel Oilam. That message that says, I didn't forget about you! I am taking care of you! Your family is constantly around you! Your friends! Your acquaintances! How far do the Jewish people reach! How many tehillim lists have my daughters been on! 

It's quite a zechus.

Ashreinu mah tov chelkeinu!

How fortunate are we to be members of the Jewish people.

Mi k'amcha Yisroel!

Who is like your nation Israel.

The Jewish people are wonderful, and it is wonderful to be part of the Jewish people.

When the Jewish people were traveling in the desert, they stopped in many places. They were called "masaos", travels, and they had many travels. They camped in many places, and Chazal teach us that in each place they had a different test; in each place that they camped they learned different lessons. This morning, the 13th of Kislev, the 27th of November, I woke up in the surroundings of my new “camp.” Yesterday, Monday, I traveled from Room 346 at St. Joseph's Hospital with all of our belongings that we had amassed there, to Children's Hospital, Room 4160. 

The past three weeks have been an amazing roller coaster, up, down, short stops, sudden turns, and a very scary ride! The first of the “camps” that my wife and I travelled to, from home, was to the labor and delivery room at St. Joseph Hospital. After my wife's water broke in school, she called me on her way to the hospital, saying that her water broke and that she was going to register at the hospital. When I got this message I called her and she had already checked in. That was November 6th, 21st of Cheshvan, at that “camp” in St. Joseph Hospital. Between 10:30 and 11:00 PM at night, two beautiful little girls were born, whom we later named Ahuva Naava and Rivka Chaya. They were both immediately taken to the neonatal intensive care unit, otherwise known as the NICU. Once there, Ahuva Naava seemed to be making proper progress but Rivka Chaya was suffering from what we later found out is called chylothorax, a leakage of the chylo, the lymph fluid into the space between the lining around the lungs and the lungs, swelling the body and exerting pressure on the lungs and heart. 

Over the next two weeks we prayed and cried out to the Ribbono Shel Oilam, the Master of the World, that He heal Rivka Chaya and keep her with us, but even after we had Rivka Chaya transferred to Children's Hospital on the 6th of Kislev, the 20th of November, abour 4 o'clock in the afternoon, Hashem took Rivka Chaya back. Rabbi Steinberg, the Rav of Zera Abraham, came to the hospital, and encouraged us by telling us that when a soul only comes to this world for such a short time, less than thirty days, there is no aveilus, there is no mourning period, there is no levaya, no normal burial, including a tahara. The soul has just gone from one level of Gan Eden to the next, and we felt that these words picked us up and carried us. We felt privileged to have been part of Rivka Chaya's journey for whatever her neshama came to do. 

We went straight from Children's Hospital to Rose Hill Cemetery and buried her in the dark of night with only the lights of someone's car showing us the way, surrounded by family and not too much more, we buried Rivka Chaya next to my grandparents, Harry and Lillian Hoffman. It was hard. It was really hard, to cry so much, ask so much, to plead and be answered, but not in the way we wanted. To be answered no, this is not something that Hashem is going to give us. At the same time that my wife and I were -and are- deeply saddened at Rivka Chaya's passing, we are consoled and filled with joy, still, at the presence of Ahuva Naava. Ahuva means beloved. She was beloved before her sister passed away, but even more so now. There were some questions about Ahuva Naava's health that made us want to take all precautions possible, so she moved from the NICU at St. Joe's, on Sunday night, to Children's Hospial. Baruch Hashem she is doing well and is making progress. 

While these thoughts are still fresh in my mind, I wanted to explain the source for the names and some parallels that people have pointed out between Rivka Chaya and Rivka Imeinu, our Matriach Rivka. The source for the name Ahuva Naava is that Ahuva is the lashon-hakodesh equivalent of the Yiddish name Lifsha, my father's mother, Lillian Hoffman, who, after the Second World War, said she could never stand by and see our brethren suffer again, and it was with that in mind that she worked for so many years to help our Jewish brothers and sisters get out from behind the Iron Curtain and leave the USSR. She had tremendous ahavas-Yisroel. She cared very deeply for every Jew and it was with this in mind that we gave Ahuva this name, that she is beloved. But we want this name to also carry with it the company of Naava, beautiful. Our tefilla is that she be both beautiful inside and outside, that she merit to keep all of the mitzvos and have a wonderful relationship and connection with Hashem, all those who come into contact with her, and herself. 

Rivka Chaya is named after Rivka Imeinu. Our tefilla was that she be the kind of wife and mother that Rivka Imeinu was. The background to the name Chaya is that she was named after my wife's great-grandmother, Chaya, and that since we gave her this name when she was already sick, we wanted her to have life, and to give life. Since Rikva Imeinu was barren for so many years before having Yaakov and Eisav, we didn't want her to be barren. Our tefilla was that she be able to give forth life, and also to have life. 

There are many parallels that people pointed out to my wife and me between Rivka Chaya and Rivka Imeinu. Dr. Mishory pointed out that Rivka Imeinu was very young when she left her family's home, and yet when she was asked if she was interested in going with Eliezer, servant of Avraham, at three years old, she said, "Yes! I'd like to go!" She knew what she had to do. She had a very mysterious pregnancy, very troublesome, she went to the Yeshiva of Shem and Aiver and was told that she had twins and they were going to grow up to be fathers of two great nations. She kept this prophecy to herself for many years. She saw when the time was right, she needed to tell Yaakov that these brachos that Yitzchok was going to give out were very important. She sprang into action, encouraging Yaakov to go and get Eisav's brocha. She knew what she had to do, and she did it. This was Rivka Chaya. She came for a short time. She had a job to do, and she did it. I don't know exactly what her job was, but she touched the hearts of many people while she was here. Another parallel that we see is that Rivka Imeinu was buried in a very quiet way. The Yalkut Meam Loez brings a Medrash that says that Rivka Imeinu was buried at night, that it was an embarrassment to have Eisav bury her, her husband was blind, and Yaakov was out of town.  We didn’t feel any embarrassment burying Rivka Chaya at night but but this is another striking similarity

We grew a lot from knowing Rivka Chaya. As my father, Rabbi Henoch Dov Hoffman, pointed out, we see Hashem's hand very clearly both when life comes into the world, and when life leaves. And when we were asking for her to stay, we felt a certain closeness to Hashem, even though the answer was no. We are really appreciating that Ahuva Naava is doing well, may she only continue to improve with the help of Hashem.